I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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