trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
