Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
