Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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