Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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