just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
