garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Still dying that you shit outside
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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