i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
