Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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