Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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