I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
