New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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