Kiss
Puke
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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