I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Even my vagina gasped.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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