dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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