i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
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You. Win. At. Life.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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