Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
