I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
