I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
