Jerry, you need to find god
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize