She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Is Oprah even human
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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