dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
