So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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