what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
