Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
