Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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