i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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