i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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