if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
