She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
