I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I AM VODKA MAN
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize