Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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