Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
