Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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