I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
