So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
