i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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