i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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