We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
