Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
