Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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