so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
