i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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