I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
