I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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