Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
