Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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