That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
