Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
