Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
