I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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