You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
