I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He? As in you personified your dick?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
