whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
