the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
