I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
