Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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