Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I love you.
Bad choice
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