You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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