shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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