If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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