Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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