just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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