So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
