totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
