where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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