Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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