I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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