he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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